02 February 2015

Breaking Free: Overcoming Fear

Just a short while ago I would never have voluntarily spent time with a group of guys knowing I would be the only female presence. Too much risk, too many fears to quell, the prospect for uncomfortable silences and possibility of something being perceived in the wrong way. It frightened me in ways I cannot even express...so I avoided those situations like the plague. Not to mention, there was no way that could happen, since I barely spent time in community with anyone I didn't live with, work with or attend church with if feasible. And I would usually choose to end those gatherings as quickly as possible to avoid connection on anything more than a superficial level. I'm not proud of this, but it is the truth.

Rather than attempting to see the best in others, especially those of the opposite gender, I decided to expect the worst. The thing is, people tend to live up to the expectations you place on them if you are unwilling to give them a chance. I moved from always giving others the benefit of the doubt to basically just assuming I would be disappointed sooner or later. So, with that dour outlook on life I dismissed so many opportunities to encourage, challenge and build relationships with my brothers.

I told myself it was for my own protection, but I knew I was being selfish deep down. I was judging others when I could only see part of the picture and being grossly unfair to those individuals. Just because I've been hurt before does not mean that will always be the end result. In this scenario grace was absent, love was squelched and mercy dismissed. Bitterness and blame flourished and hope was all but extinguished. What was the point, really?

I'll be the first to admit that I am fiercely independent, stubborn and proud to a fault. I have never been that girl that couldn't be defined without a significant other. Who needs men? My attitude towards males was scathing and harsher than they deserved. I assumed so many things, and my opinion of men in general plummeted to discouraging depths.

Failing to trust God in this area of my life served to create more issues (imagine that) and continue to foster a spirit of contention in my heart. But I wanted to break that destructive cycle. So I cried out to God to not only change my heart, but to give me opportunities to build healthy relationships with the opposite sex. No unreasonable expectations, no unfair assumptions, no unhealthy attitudes to cloud my view. Instead, I would choose to see men for what they are; created in the image of God, meant to be respected and appreciated and viewed as my brothers.


My job is not to make sure men are up to a certain standard. Rather, I must focus on being a woman after God's heart and trust Him to work in lives and change hearts as only He can. I am responsible for my actions alone, not those of anyone else. And moving forward, I'm striving to carry that perspective. Because God commands me to love my brother, to refrain from judging, and to exhort my fellow man. I must be obedient and leave the rest in the hands of my sovereign Father.

God's got this. He is bigger than my fears, and offers the chance to start fresh, begin anew. 

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