09 September 2012

On being human -- transparent & honest

I have long neglected this blog, so here are some words penned nearly a year ago in my journal that still ring true today...especially today.

Almighty Father

Almighty Father - You alone are holy.
You are my refuge, I will trust in You.
You are a tower, a mighty fortress.
You are my strength and shield.
You are God.

Almighty Father - You alone are holy.
You guide my footsteps that I may not fall.
In joy or sorrow I will exalt You.
You are my righteousness.
You are God.

Almighty Father - You alone are holy.
You are Creator, You are all in all.
Yours is the power, Yours is the glory,
Yours is the majesty.
You are God.

words by J. Paul Williams

Abba Father ~
I pour out my heart to You!
You know my deepest longings and desires...nothing is hidden from You.
I am struggling with contentment once again. It seems as if most of my peers (and many who are younger) have a husband and are starting their own families.
Whether it is jealousy or not, I want the same.
How I yearn to find someone to lead me spiritually and serve alongside me.
What longing to hold my very own child -- to experience the miracle of new life and face the challenges and blessings of motherhood...

Help me to find my satisfaction and fulfillment in You.
Don't let jealousy rear its ugly head, instead give me the grace to rejoice with others, the strength to bear my burdens and peace that Your will is best.
Give me ministry opportunities and never let me wallow in self pity.
Rather, help me to look for ways to serve those around me.
I know You brought me here for a reason.
Show me Your plan for my life one step at a time and don't let me get ahead of You.
Mold me into the image of Your Son a little more each day.
(written 3, October 2011)

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to You
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,
for You have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy."
Psalm 61:1-3

I'll admit it, I am feeling 'faint' and weary with all the little things that seem to build up so quickly. Most of the time, I'm perfectly content being single and childless...most of the time. So when I struggle, it hits hard. Satan comes at me with everything he has -- and it becomes increasingly difficult to respond to situations in a loving Christlike manner. Bitterness is around every corner, beckoning me to share its company. Loneliness lurks in the dark shadows and threatens to envelop me at any moment. And so I have to constantly adjust my focus on eternity rather than dwelling on this short vapor called life. If I trust God for settling where I will spend eternity, then why is it so hard to trust Him with all the other details? In comparison, they are hardly as significant as my eternal destiny. Once again, I give it all back into His capable hands. 

~Liz