29 November 2014

A glimpse into my heart...

Adoption.

This has been on my heart and mind for a long while now...and God keeps growing the desire to be involved in this wonderful picture of salvation. I know those who have been adopted, those who have gone through the process (of adoption and adopting) and those that are on the journey right now. The common denominator with all of these individuals is an open heart ready to do whatever God asks of them. Yes, sacrifice is involved but I've never heard regret expressed for embarking on this adventure. Regret that adoption is necessary, yes. But never regret that they were chosen to be used in such a special way to minister to hurting souls. Regret over the pain caused to these precious children that can never be undone. Regret that they are unable to erase the past, regret for the baggage these kids have to deal with...the list could go on.

In an ideal world adoption would be unnecessary because everyone would have a family, each child would belong to someone. But the reality is that sin has marred this earth and we must live with the consequences of that on a daily basis. Pain, death and suffering will be present until Christ comes again -- that is the result of living in an imperfect world. But God has a plan for His people to help alleviate that suffering. We are here to impact the world for Christ by showing the love of Jesus in tangible ways.

For so long I believed that there was nothing I could do to somehow stem the tide and make a difference. I accepted the lie that for me, adoption would be selfish. After all, what do I have to offer? Why me?? But God doesn't give up on His own, and He has been working in my heart to change my perspective. He has shown me, that nothing is impossible. He has whispered to my heart that He wants to use me to accomplish His purpose. He has helped me to understand that, while I cannot change every situation, I can make an impact on at least one life that will last forever. And again and again, it has been impressed on me that one loving parent is better than none.

Can I tell you a secret? I am pursuing nursing school, but not primarily because I want to be a nurse. (Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the idea, but this was never my intention -- ask anyone who knows me well!) No, this is a means to an end. First and foremost, I believe God is calling me to attend nursing school, but there is more to it. Obtaining my nursing license will make it possible for me to adopt. I feel especially burdened for those children who have physical and mental limitations and with that kind of training I would be better equipped to care for that demographic. In fact, nurses and teachers are preferred for adoption of kids that have special needs because of the unique skill set they possess as well as compassionate hearts.

And I'll be honest, I need to increase my earning potential so that I will be able to support more than just myself. While I love my current job, my income is not sufficient in order to ensure the livelihood of another person, tiny or otherwise. Nursing school will also give me more marketable skills and open doors for future ministry. But that doesn't mean I cannot have a ministry right here and right now. God has placed people in my path that need to see and experience His love and given me the resources, abilities and time to invest in them.

James 1:27 gives an imperative to all believers to care for the widows and orphans, but never specifies how to go about fulfilling that command. We are expected to take action and do something. This does not mean that everyone must adopt, but everyone must DO something! I understand there are some who cannot take on that responsibility, who do not feel called to adopt...but there is always a way that God can use an individual to make a difference if they have a ready heart and willingness to obey.

My heart yearns to hold a child and whisper that he/she is loved beyond compare. Already I have an empty spot, crying to be filled with that special blessing God intends for me to adopt. I weep over the pain they must have experienced, long to wipe their tears away and cannot wait until I am able to hold that child in my arms. I have no idea who it might be, but already I love them so much...and my heart breaks with the waiting.

But I know my God will finish what He started. He is teaching me patience, guiding me along this journey and giving hope for the future. He has a glorious plan, one that I could never imagine, and He will fulfill his promises in His perfect time. So I'm trusting Him to do just that. And as soon as it is physically possible, I intend to pursue this journey of adoption. Pray for me, with me, and lift up those hurting souls who don't realize how much they are loved.


"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: 
to look after orphans and widows in their distress 
and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:27
(NIV)

Thanks for listening,
~Liz

27 November 2014

Cultivating a Spirit of Thankfulness

As hard as it seems to believe, this year is almost over. Another *almost* twelve months passed by, and what do I have to show for all of that time? It a sobering thought to ponder that I will be held accountable for my actions...as well as failing to act at times. 

When I reflect over the last several months, I realize that so many times, I have failed to be thankful. Instead of being grateful for what God has placed in my life, I chose to complain about what I didn't yet have, or the things that had been taken away from me. But that isn't how it works.

The thing about thankfulness is that it is not dependent on my circumstances. Scripture gives a direct command to give thanks in EVERYTHING and there is no clause of exception. This means I am to be thankful for the trials that God sees fit to put in my path. I am to thank Him for breaking me and for the pain that comes from suffering. When I have plenty I should give thanks, but also when I feel like there is not enough to cover my expenses. 

Recently I started a new devotional that focuses on thanksgiving despite circumstances that are less than conducive to a grateful spirit. And although I still have a lot to learn, I have discovered anew the joy that comes from giving praise for everything in my life, whether I deem it to be good or bad. This simple exercise has been freeing and has brought contentment when it seemed most elusive.

This has been such a different approach than my flesh is accustomed to, but oh so much better! I am striving to practice giving thanks as patterned by my Savior. What better example, than the One who gave His very life for me?


"...giving thanks always and for everything 
to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,"
Ephesians 5:20 
(ESV)

19 November 2014

Hurting souls

I just don't understand. Why do some people seem to have it all? I know material possessions aren't everything. In fact, we are warned against placing hope in things. But we all still need food to survive, clothing to stay warm and money to pay for everyday necessities. I do know those who have been blessed with much, and choose to give most of it to others who need it more than they do. However, it seems as if many who have wealth are unwilling to part with it. Whether it be a symbol of status, a magic number to attain or just plain selfishness -- people tend to be misers. How many good things could be done with those funds?

And then I look at what I have. By some standards, it might seem like very little, but to others I'm rich. I have my own car, a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat and people around me to support me in my journey. There are people who don't even half of those things I just listed. No shelter, only the clothes on their backs, no guarantee of when their next meal will be, and certainly no transportation. Yet I complain and am ungrateful for the things given to me. So what if my car won't start? At least I have a warm bed and a full stomach. What am I doing to help those who are less fortunate? When is the last time I have truly sacrificed to serve another?

Constantly, my heart is being broken, I weep over the things that others must suffer. I want to save them all -- those sweet babies who have no mother to hold them close and whisper love, the children who are forced to spend their lives in a concrete prison because another has determined their worth is less than human, those who are forced to sell their bodies for the gain of a selfish monster, the list goes on...

I want to DO something, to create change, to turn tragedy into triumph, but I feel SO helpless. I am one person, what can I possibly do that will turn the tide, make an impact? 

And yet...failing to act would be so much worse. God does not need to use me to accomplish His purpose, but He chooses to do so anyway. So I must be faithful and do what I can, trusting God to enable me to do all that He has called me to in this life. Then, I give it all back -- it was in His hands all along and I cannot change circumstances on my own. He has a bigger plan, and wants to redeem people and situations in ways that I could never dream.

...‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, 
even the least of them, you did it to Me.'
Matthew 25:40
(NASB)


 

18 November 2014

In the stillness

My child, be still.
Revel in Me.
Remember who you are
My daughter -- loved
and precious in My sight,
of infinite importance.

I know, and I care.
Even the things deep
within your heart
that no one else 
will ever see.
I see your pain,
feel your hurt.
I want to bring healing
to your weary soul
But you must let go.

Trust me.
Only me.
You were never
in control.
It was all an illusion
spun by the great 
deceiver.

Being busy 
does not mean
being holy.
Slow down.
Be still.
Rest.
Trust.
Know ME.

17 November 2014

The Importance of Community

After a long while of choosing to isolate myself from others, I'm emerging from my social cocoon and intentionally working on building various relationships. God never meant for us to go it alone, and I'm learning that slowly but surely.

Today I spent time in conversation, fellowship and prayer with fellow believers. I realized how much I've missed those activities...and how much I need others in my life to help encourage, challenge and support me. In Hebrews, we are commanded to spur one another on to good works and not forsake the assembling of ourselves together.

I had lunch with a friend who shares similar passions and came away from that encounter with a renewed vigor for the ministries God has called me to. I benefited greatly from the sermon my Pastor preached regarding the names of God. I enjoyed conversation with other believers and time spent in prayer for each other. I sang in tandem with the other people in our church choir, raising our voices in praise to the Almighty. I discussed Scripture and the implications it has for our lives with yet another friend.

And you know what? I am ready to face the week! For quite some time now, I have dreaded Mondays and all that it brings. The stresses of my job, the inevitable personality clashes with difficult people, the unknowns of the day -- all of these factors served to discourage and disappoint me. The main reason this occurred was because my focus was in the wrong place. Rather than fixing my eyes on Jesus, looking to Him for guidance and trying to accomplish everything in His strength; I was instead choosing to dwell on temporary things, filling my mind with lies and twisted truths from the great Deceiver.

Much of this stemmed from my refusal to surround myself with the right influences. I am not an island; I cannot achieve anything on my own. And God created us to be social beings who need each other. So, I'm moving forward yet again and striving to seek company that will refresh and renew me, while providing that for those around me on a daily basis.

But this time, I am going to rely on the strength that comes from trusting the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. Because, I'm discovering the vital importance of community and I want to be obedient to the commands given in Scripture.


..not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, 
but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.  
Hebrews 10:25 (NASB)

10 November 2014

Surviving vs. Thriving

It is amazing how quickly God can break down the barriers I've spent so much time building. This morning I woke up late, found excuses to push my departure to go to church and very nearly skipped altogether. I'll be honest, that was the last place I wanted to be today. And I knew that's exactly where I needed to be. I had no idea why, but I knew Satan was using everything he had to keep me from entering those doors and staying for the whole service. I even considered going to a different church so I could hide...but remembered that I can never hide from my heavenly Father. So, I went, albeit grudgingly. And I stayed. And I listened. And I responded. And I'm so thankful that God never gives up on those He loves.

Only part of me was there at the beginning. I was determined to fulfill my duty by singing in the choir and then see whether I felt like staying or not. I distracted myself with everything I could think of; I made lists in my head, I wrote a mini journal entry, and I avoided looking at the sermon notes. The sermon was on bitterness, and I determined that I really didn't need to pay attention, because I was fine. Yeah, sure I've been angry -- but I'm not holding onto that...or am I?

This past year has been one filled with transitions and struggles. Along with that has come growth and triumphs, but it has been difficult, and at times, painful. At first, I was angry with God for not allowing things to work out the way I saw fit, then resigned, and finally I gained a sense of peace. The thing about peace though, is that it needs a source. I kept trying to take matters into my own hands, constantly proving my distrust in God's sovereign plan for my life. I continued being involved in ministry, doing my best in school and at work (or so I thought), and trying my best to survive. And although I continued to read my Bible and pray, I wasn't actively pursuing a relationship with my Lord.

I discovered that I can only coast for so long before my inadequacies became painfully evident. And you think that would spur me to action, incite motivation for change. But I chose pride, independence and stubbornness instead. I knew what was true regarding the character of my Father, but still I refused to trust. How I felt didn't match up with what I knew to be true, so I chose to trust my feelings rather than my Sovereign.

As I mentioned, there have been some big events in my life over the course of the past several months. While some of them were wonderful, most were not. In fact, you could say they were the opposite of wonderful. And those circumstances caused personal heartbreak in many instances. Of course I had no control over the outcomes of these events, and a large majority of them took me by surprise. At times I chose to respond, other times I reacted instead. And I've come to realize that I have been blaming God for these supposed misfortunes in my life. As if I could have prevented tragedies, or changed the end result...but somehow, I thought I knew better.

These attitudes not only desensitized me to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but they also damaged my ministry. My heart had the wrong motives; I was full of pride, although I did my best to deceive myself and hide it from others. I no longer had joy, my hope was fading and I was quickly becoming apathetic. And although that is not what I wanted, still I put off the inevitable surrender of my will again and again.

Then, this morning the speaker announced that he felt convicted to preach on bitterness. My heart resisted, my mind wandered and my entire being struggled to stay in my seat. Then, he said something that struck me and resounded deep within me. "God doesn't just want us to survive, He wants us to thrive." I knew I wanted, needed more than just to survive -- and for so long now I've been on autopilot. That simple phrase broke me, brought me face to face with my sin and my Savior, and brought hope to my weary soul.

I confessed, sought forgiveness and set up accountability. Letting go of that twisted anger freed me to live a life of victory. More than anything I want to glorify God with this life and make an impact for Him. I know His timing is perfect and I'm striving to live like I believe that. Pray for me, friends...I know this won't be easy. I have only started the journey and have many changes to make in the coming days, weeks and months. But I am determined to take one step at a time, keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and let Him lead. My life is but a vapor when compared to eternity. And I want every day to count.

~Liz